Parenting - We Can Do It!

Care for Self, Understand, Guide, Nurture, Motivate, Develop, and Advocate are the seven categories that the National Extension Parent Education Model focuses on.  While these are all great things we need to implement, a few of them touched my heart and stood out on needing to be put in to place immediately.

Care for Self

As a parent, we often put our children and their well-being first.  In case of a fire, we do not think about getting ourselves out, we think are my kids okay?  In the story of goldilocks and the three bears, papa bears porridge is hot, he was served first.  Baby bears was just right, it was served perfectly.  Mama bears was cold most likely because she had to serve everyone else first and then got food for herself.  Have we ever thought about how Mama bear
put everyone’s needs in front of her own?  This is the case for most parents.  If we look at the parenting pyramid, it goes the opposite way of what we would think.  We think that the biggest portion is caring for the needs of our children, however, the biggest portion is personal way of being or taking care of our needs.   We cannot care for others if we ourselves are not strong.  Taking care of ourselves, whether it is eating healthier, going to the gym, a therapeutic lunch with friends, or just a 20 minute nap can help us be better parents because we will have a better attitude towards ourselves.  We will feel stronger and healthier if we take the time to give our bodies and souls what they need.

Understand

Our children have all different types of wants and needs.  On a typical day, we run around crazy busy trying to accomplish our various tasks.  Sometimes our kids are good—and sometimes they are not so good.  Temper tantrums in the store are embarrassing and we have all witnessed one, whether with our own kids or someone else’s.  Our first instinct is to quite the child and make a quick exit if that does not work.  We do not take the time to understand why they are upset.  Whether it is nap time, they are hungry, or they want a specific thing off the shelf, are we really taking the time to listen and understand what the real problem is?  Understanding our children can be key to a better relationship with them.  With my daughter, I find that if I take a moment to really listen, she will tell me what is wrong and how I can fix it but I have to sit down and try to understand instead of just yell at her.  Slowing down and taking the time to understand our children will open the doors of communication and strengthen our relationship with them.

Guide

While trying to guide our children, we should give them a variety of ways to learn.  One of those should be through experiences.  We have teaching moments everyday but are we taking them?  Are we really paying attention to how we can guide our children to make better choices?  When our children make poor decisions are we chastising them and being critical?  We need to ensure that our children are protective of feelings and are not critical of behaviors.  We do not put blame on them and most certainly do not make them feel bad about their decisions.  We also need to set limits and enforce them.  If we make a rule or expectation we need to make sure that both parents are supportive of it and will keep hold of it.  It is best to have as few of rules possible to ensure that the kids know what is important.  We should not discipline our children when we are angry and we should never use physical punishment.  According to the American Academy of Children and Adolescent Psychiatry, physical punishment is linked to poor self-esteem, bullying, depression and many behavioral problems.  (More information on physical punishment can be found here, https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Physical-Punishment-105.aspx ) Instead, we should use the following steps in punishing our children:

1. identify what they did wrong
2. state the impact of their behavior
3. suggest an alternative
4. give a clear punishment
5. set an expectation

By doing this, we can help our children understand what they did, how it impacts others, what they should do next time and that you know they can do better.  Guiding our children is not easy but we can help them if we keep it clear and simple.

Care for Self, Understand, Guide, Nurture, Motivate, Develop, and Advocate are important parts of the parenting model.  While we should work on implementing them one at a time, we need to prioritize what will best help our families and our children.

Actions & Reactions

Life isn't always good and life isn't always bad.  However, it's how you react to each circumstance that defines you.

Let's pretend that you go to the grocery store and buy fresh fruit for a scrumptious dessert you plan to make for a party tonight.  By the time you make it home from the store, you get out your ingredients and find that the fruit you just bought has mold and there's not enough time to go back to the store and get more.  How do you react?

Now, I would say this is a lesser big deal than other things that could go wrong but it can still be stressful.  There are a variety of ways you can react but let's just name a few:

1. Sit on the floor and cry because your whole day hasn't gone right
2. Storm back to the store and take out all your frustrations on the person helping you with the return
3. Stop at the store on your way to the party and pick up a dessert (at least you brought something)
4. Rant on facebook about how terrible this store is for selling you moldy fruit one time
(never mind you have been shopping there for years)
5. Change your plan for the dessert and use ingredients you already have

None of these reactions are wrong.  We are all human and we can make our own decisions.  If it were me, I would probably do #1 and #3 or #5.  How would you react?  Maybe it's not a baking problem you are having in your life, maybe it's a child throwing countless temper-tamtrums.  Maybe it's a bad grade on a test you studied really hard for.  Maybe your car broke down after just getting it serviced.  Whatever the case, how you react is so much more important than the problem itself.

I'm an emotional human being.  I typically break down crying at the smallest things.  It sucks and it's not my favorite part of myself.  When I react badly, I end up having a terrible day no matter what.  If I react well, the day will typically take a turn for the better.  Here's an example:

Last week, the morning just started off terrible.  I have a teething baby so she's constantly fussy because she's hurting and at this point in the day, she would't take a nap.  I was so frustrated and felt so alone.  Nothing was helping her.  After finally getting her to nap, I took a minute to myself and just breathed.  It was going to be okay.  But then there was a loud noise and she was up again.  So much for my break. By just breathing though I was able to be calm and soothe her back to sleep again.  I then took a nap too.

I reacted well and it turned out well.  Instead of crying like I normally would have taking a deep breath really helped.  Thank goodness!  What is a situation in your life that if you had reacted bad, it would have turned out way worse than it already had?

You Know You're An Adult When...

I just got excited about paying bills.  Bills!  You know you're an adult when you get excited about paying bills.

Today I woke up, did my morning routine, got on my computer, and then started looking at finances.  Thank the Lord for payday!  It looked like we had a little extra money so I payed a little bit more to my credit card and I got so happy!  I felt so good inside!

I definitely have a type A personality.  Control freak and all.  So making progress in our goal to pay off debt is really important to me.  So naturally it would make sense that I got happy about progressing further in my goal.

Obviously it still hurts when we pay rent and car insurance and all the other big stuff but being able to pay a little extra made my day a little brighter.

When even the smallest thing brightens your day, you have to make sure you're grateful for it.  And believe me, I am so grateful for this moment of happiness.  It signifies that I am almost financially free from a mistake I made last year.  And that makes me so happy.

Do you ever have crazy happy moments like this?

Turn That Frown Upside-Down

Recently, I've been really negative.  And I hate it.  Are things not going the way I wish they were? Of course not! But that doesn't mean I have a bad life!  So what am I going to do about it?  There are few things I try to do on the daily that really help me stay positive and not get too down on life.

1. Keep a running grateful list: This is one of the best things ever!  And if you have repeats? Who cares! It's for you and you alone to remind you of how many awesome things you have in your life.  Just write down 5 things a day.  That's it! And it can be anything as small as "chapstick" to as big as "upcoming vacation."  By remembering what you have, it's easier to not focus on what you don't!

2. Pray, Pray, Pray: Prayer is an essential part of my day.  I start and end my day in prayer and it always boosts me up.  I also tell the good Lord what I am thankful for and what I could use a boost with.  You have to have a little faith in something or someone to make this step work but I promise, it helps.  And if you need a boost in the middle of the grocery store?  Just say a little prayer in your heart to help out.

3. Write a Thank-You:  Thank you notes may seem a little "old fashioned" but if you write one a day, you will be so happy!  And the best part about it?  The person you are thanking will be happy too!  Just thank them for something they've done for you; i.e. setting an example, sharing a favorite recipe, being a good neighbor, recommending a good book, or just being a friend.  Everyone likes to receive mail, especially when it isn't a bill.

4. Listen or Play some good music:  I have always been an advocate for music.  It enriches the soul and lifts the spirit in many different ways.  Whether you play an instrument, sing, or just enjoy the songs, music will almost always put you in a better mood.  Whenever I'm having a hard time, I play the piano.  It soothes my soul and makes me feel so much happier, I can't even begin to describe it.  When a piano isn't a available, I plug in my headphones and jam out.  The world becomes instantly better and my problems tend to go away.

5. Take a nap:  This one, I'm really bad at.  I suck at taking naps.  But 15-20 minutes will restart your day in a jiffy and give you the opportunity to wake up on the right side of the bed!  Now, I don't recommend doing this one right after you wake up.  It's important to at least start your day before hitting the sheets again.

6.  Get lost in a book: We all need a way to escape and reading is an excellent one.  Whether its' romance, mystery, or adventure you are bound to forget your cares and dive into the story.  Not only will you escape your world, you may learn a few things that will help you too!

Having a negative attitude is a temporary thing.  If you really want to,  you can turn that frown upside-down.

What are some of your favorite ways to go from negative to positive?

The Dreaded "To-Do List"

To-Do List

We all have things we have to do.  It's a fact of life that we all hate.  We can't just be lazy and watch TV all day or just got shopping.  We have to accomplish things.  For most people, this means a "To-Do List" and it usually has a negative connotation.  My list normally includes things like: dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, sending a card, and some project that i'm currently working on.  These are all little things that can be accomplished whenever I have time but should be done before the end of the week.  Extra things on my list right now are: work on Christmas presents, put together Christmas cards, organize Adalynn's baby pictures, and think of ways to earn extra money.  I obviously have a little more time to do these items but they still need to get done eventually. Finally, I have my calendar which runs my life.  On it is my cleaning schedule, Adalynn's food and sleep schedule, weekly events, and Tyler's work schedule.  These are things that are done daily and if they don't happen, then the next day is going to be a mess.  My calendar and my to-do list run my life and help give me things to do if I ever get "bored."   I no longer dread my "to-do list."  If it get's done, great! If not, I will try better tomorrow.

Calendar

I'm not saying a to-do list or calendar is the answer to everything.  I still get bored, but it is a way to organize my life so it doesn't seem as crazy.  It helps me to have things a little spread out.  Making sure I get certain things done by putting them on the calendar helps a bunch.  Also having a running list of things I need to do helps.  It all depends on what you like best.  I've had calendars from Pinterest, paper planners that separate by day; week; month, paper lists of things that need to get done and so many others.  How do you stay on top of things that need to get done as well as events in your life?

Conference Time

LDS Conference Center
Salt Lake City, Utah

I love General Conference.  It's a spiritual retreat, that's free, every six months.  The speakers are good, the musics good, and the snacks are good.  What more could you ask for?

When I was younger, my family didn't have cable and the internet wasn't as well developed as it is now.  We had to get dressed in our Sunday clothes and drive down to the church to watch conference.  Now that's dedication.  Not by me, but by my parents who fought with four kids to get ready on a Saturday and Sunday and still make it on time for the meeting.  As we got older (and a little wealthier) we were able to watch conference from home by the internet or cable.  Along with getting older, we also got busier and our activities took up more of our schedules.  My parents always made sure we watched or listened to conference no matter what.  It was a priority to them and because of their examples, became a priority to us.

I moved away to college and lived right down the street from Temple Square and the conference center where General Conference is held.  It was always amazing to me to see the flocks of people who would come for the sessions.  It was another affirmation to me of how important these weekends are.

Now that I'm married and have my own family, my husband and I are prioritizing this special weekend to the best of our ability.  Sometimes this is hard due to my husbands job but we still try our best to listen or read all the talks.  We hope to impress upon our children the importance of these messages from our leaders.

I have learned many great things from conference throughout the years.  Many inspirations and answers to prayers have been brought to me through our church leaders messages.  I know that the Lord speaks to us and gives us counsel through General Conference.  He loves and cares about us and wants the best for us.

Did you enjoy conference this weekend?  What were some of your favorite talks?



Tips for a fun conference weekend with kids:
--Really great snacks (different snack for every session)
--Coloring pages
--General Conference Bingo (available on Pinterest)
--Create a special conference notebook for each child

Friends With A Lot Of Passion

Throughout my life, I've had friends that are very passionate about things.  Hockey, Fashion, Disney, Actors, and many more.  Until the other day, I hadn't noticed the pattern, but it's all become very clear as of late.  I needed to find something to be truly passionate about.  Throughout my life I've gone through different phases of interests.

I started with Dance and Cheerleading and Piano, then we moved and I tried Swimming and Band and then we moved again and I tried Water Polo and then I left for college and it was all I could do to keep my head above water.  I didn't have any hobbies or things to do for fun besides Netflix and chill.  I loved to bake but that was obvious by my waistline.  I liked to read but just couldn't find the time or books I wanted.  I was stuck and have been for awhile.  Until recently.

A few months ago, I moved in with my in-laws and, besides my baby girl, I wanted to find things to keep myself busy.  I was not just going to sit in my room all day and watch Netflix and take care of my little one.  That. was. not. going. to. happen.And then it did.  I fell into the rut of "man, I live with my in-laws and I have no talents so I'm just going to sit here and do nothing."  Now, I know that's not the case, believe me I do, but it felt like that for a little while.  But one day, I woke up and was like, "I'm going to do things today."  I played the piano for a few hours that day and I wrote a blog post.  It had a snowball effect: I just learned how to crochet and am planning on doing lots of projects.  Every day is now better and better and I love all the new things I am learning!  I feel a sense of purpose for getting up everyday.

How about you?  What are your passions and interests?  What do you do for fun?