Did I Just Go Way Overboard?

I am now the first to admit, I tend to over-react sometimes.  Okay, maybe more than sometimes.  But anyways how do you get back to where you were before you blew up at someone?  It can take days, weeks, months, or even years.  Let me tell you a little story:

Years ago, I got in a fight with a very good friend of mine.  We were roommates and I can't even remember what the fight was about.  Anyways, it blew up into a bigger thing than it ever should have and we ended up not talking to each other and I moved out.  It was bad.  We unfriended each other on all social media and it was really awkward when we saw each other in person.  Talk about a bad breakup.  I always felt bad about how it ended up.  I knew I had gone overboard and really screwed up but at the time, I didn't know how to fix it.  We parted ways and called it good.

Lately, I have been thinking about this friend a lot.  I was pretty sure she still hated me but I wanted to try to catch up with her anyways.  Rejection hurts, but not trying at all hurts more so after weeks of working up the courage, I messaged her on Facebook.  Minutes after I sent the initial message saying I was sorry and wanted to reconnect, she messaged back and said sorry as well and we started talking.  We had a good conversation, caught up on the other's life, and became friends on Facebook again.  All is hunky dory now and my heart is a little fuller knowing we are friends again.

Even after I messed up big time, this wonderful friend forgave me.  That's what true friendship is all about.  None of us are perfect and please, if you've found someone who is, I would LOVE to meet them. 

Admitting our faults is one of the first steps to overcoming them.  I am an expert at over-reacting big time.  I tend to do it more often than I'd like to admit.  But with a little bit of honesty with me, myself, and I, I can quickly realize when I am being a bit of a butt and backtrack or rapidly apoligize.

I'm slowly getting better at not losing my cool so easily and am even starting to manage my emotions better.  But what inspired this change?  Well, I got married to start and my husband, being the most patient man ever wouldn't put up with my ridiculousness and helped me learn how to manage it.  While Tyler inspired the change, I had to have the desire to make the change as well.  With Tyler's help and lots of determination I was able to get to be where I am today.  And it's only getting better.

If you need some help making changes in your life, I would be happy to try and help.  Let me know!

A 5k to Remember

This has been a goal that I wanted to erase from the moment I put it on there.  It was a crazy goal I made back when I was pregnant that my husband made me go through with.  Tyler LOVES running and it's kind of been something we have argued over since I just don't get it.  I'd rather be swimming laps and letting him run circles around me so the fact that I'd even had this notion got him so excited. He wanted me to start training with him immediately but I told him I wanted to have the baby first.  Of course, the baby came during the Winter so there was no way I was going out in the frigid cold.  So I started training in the Spring and it wasn't too bad...I put Adalynn in the stroller and had no problem walking 3.1 miles.  It was a breeze.  But then the mosquitoes came out around my apartment complex making it impossible to walk without getting bitten.  I just didn't have the motivation to leave the house just to go on a walk so I ended up not training as much as I had planned.

The day of the 5k came and that morning just didn't go as planned at all.  We woke up an hour late and weren't ready to just grab and go.  I had been up all night with Adalynn and was exhausted.  But we got ready really fast and got on the road.  After registration and warm-up we were ready to go.  The air horn sounded and we were off.  Unfortunately there were a lot of people, which made it really hard to find a good pace but in all the excitement...I started off running.  That was a terrible idea.  I hadn't trained to run.  I trained to walk.  But oh well...there's no turning back now.  I walk-jogged the whole thing and around mile 2.5, Tyler even came back and walked with me.  I crossed the finish line at 52 minutes and 44 seconds.  I had set the goal of under an hour and I actually achieved it.  I wasn't prepared but I was blessed to actually finish and not be dead.

The moral of the story isn't, "you can slack off and be just fine" the moral of the story is "do your best, stick to your goals, and follow through no matter what."  It would have been very easy to just say, "I didn't train and I can't do this" but I didn't and now I can say that I have done a 5k and I can wipe it off the goal board.  There may be another 5k in my future but just for the fun of it.  For the most part, I'll stick to swimming.

                               

Hold My Calls and Pass the Diet Coke Petunia

Some days it's just not happenin.  I will be the first to admit, that most days are just not happenin.  But most days, we pick ourselves up and go about our business.  Today is just one of those days...

My day started at 6 a.m., not too early but when it starts by being woken up by a screaming 4 month old...it's too early.  I crawled back into bed with her, nursed her and we both fell asleep.  At some point we switched sides but I'm not quite sure when that happened...around 7 or 8 (I really can't remember which) she was wide awake again, staring at me and flailing her arms to get my attention.  So we got up, changer her diaper, and moved to the couch, where we got her some toys to play with while I had a chance to wake up a little more.  After internet surfing for a good little bit, the smell of an over-full sink really woke me up and I knew it was now or never for the dishes.  Dishwasher loaded and dishes by-hand done and it was time for breakfast.  My loving husband fixed us some cereal which was pretty good but I couldn't enjoy it by myself...Adalynn had to sit with me and have her own spoon to keep her occupied.  Moments later there's a cereal bowl on the floor (thankfully not mine) but it needed to be cleaned up stat.  Tyler goes and gets ready for work and all of a sudden it's 9 and my dear friend drops off her son so she can run some errands.  That was going well till he puked and I could barely clean it up because I was gagging so bad.  All of a sudden both babies are crying and I feel as if they are ganging up on me...it's not even 11.  I finally get Adalynn down for a nap and cuddle the baby boy.  As soon as he falls asleep, Adalynn wakes up and I have to rush to feed her.  My friend comes home from her errands and picks her son up and finally it's my lunch time.  A couple quick quesadillas and a diet coke later and I feel a little better.  However, I still need some R &R so it's Netflix and chill time.  Adalynn falls asleep again and I doze off a little too.  Wow, this is what peace feels like.  Then she's up and it's time to eat again...it's barely 2 p.m...We finish the movie and a poopy diaper later we are back in my room talking and I'm trying not to doze off...but I suddenly remember there is laundry to be folded...and I'm off again and it's not even 3.

Now you can only imagine how long this day continues to be.  It was never-ending really.  It was a typical day--just nothing was going right.  I didn't mind watching my friends sweet boy or even being woken up at 6 to feed my baby, it was just one of those days...

One of those days where you should have crawled back into bed and stayed there.
One of those days where the forecast says sunny and 75 but halfway through the day it decides to be snowing and 30 and on top of that you wore flip flops.
One of those days where even if everything is going right...it seems to be going wrong.

We've all had these days...and if you haven't you're lying to yourself but give yourself a pat on the back anyways.

Today, I should have just said, "hold my calls and pass the Diet Coke Petunia."  But I didn't...and if I had, it would have been perfectly okay because we all have days that just suck.  If you're having such a day...I encourage you to crawl into bed, Diet Coke (or whatever your beverage of choice may be) in hand, put on a favorite movie, and fall back asleep!  Because it's just not happenin and that is OKAY.

If for whatever reason, you cannot do this, let me tell you what really turned my day around (besides the Diet Coke and nap).  After folding the laundry, I came out to my computer to fiddle around on Facebook when suddenly I saw the Ensign sitting on my desk just begging to be read.  I laid down with my daughter and we read a talk from this past General Conference.  All of a sudden, my whole day was in perspective.  My whole life was in perspective really.  My day suddenly turned bright and I knew that even though it wasn't going right now, it would later.

My friends, some days you are going to want to say, "Hold my calls and pass the Diet Coke Petunia" and some days, we need that.  But on those days when we can't say that, I encourage you to read your scriptures or pray or listen to a conference talk or go to the Temple if possible.  I promise you, the sun will come out and your day will go from gloomy to bright.

When Life Seems To Be Dealing You The Worst Hand

Life sucks sometimes.  It's a fact.  We have so much going on between work and family and school and hobbies and whatever else, that it is amazing we ever have spare time.  But we always seem to find it.  Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat all seem to make a daily appearance in our lives.  There's nothing wrong with these things...they help us stay connected but do we really need to be spending so much time on them?

Food for thought; does it make you feel any better jumping on social media?  Or do you log off
thinking about how great everyone else's lives are and how drab yours is?

Let me give you some personal experience:

Our daughter had just been born and I was finally a stay-at-home Mom!  This has been my dream since I can't even remember.  But some changes started taking place in my life.  My husband and I weren't as close as we used to because we were focused so much on our bundle of joy.  We were being bombarded with financial issues.  I was having my own health problems.  Our families were either too involved or not enough.  And I would get on social media and just cry.  My friends were out going to Disneyland and getting new cameras and laptops and perfect grades in their perfect lives.  I was sitting here, not remembering when the last time I showered was, crying because I had so many trials and tribulations and just thinking about how life. wasn't. fair.

Now I'm not telling you this story for the sympathy because whatever my issues are, I will get over them in time.  I'm saying; Why do I spend so much time on social media?  Why am I comparing myself to friends who are in a completely different stage of their life?  Those friends in Disneyland--are single.  The new camera?  College students.  The new laptop--that was the result of some hard earned money.  But what do I have?  I'm a college graduate, I have a wonderful husband, and a beautiful daughter.  I own my own business and get to bake all day just for the heck of it.  I have a lot of things.  I just needed to stop comparing myself to others in order to see it.

So yes, we are still having financial issues and my husband and I are still working to get closer, but hey my health issues are mostly better and I have a dang cute baby.  Life was dealing me a crappy hand there for a second and I even fell into the hole of deep despair for awhile.  But it's getting better.   Yes it snowed in the middle of May but gosh dang it I will move somewhere warmer when the time is right.

My dearest friends, just remember that even though everyone else's life seems to be going just right and yours is off the deep end, it will get better.  They have struggles unbeknownst to you and their life isn't perfect.  Heck, they may be looking at your Instagram posts thinking that you have the perfect life and theirs is crap.  We don't know.  We can't judge another cookie by their cutter.

Spin It Your Way

I like to keep to myself.  Let's just get that straight right out of the gate.  I like my space and I like my privacy.  I like to spend time with my friends and I like to spend time with my family....but not 24/7.  I was raised to be independent so I don't even spend time with my family except for a few times out the year.  I prefer to love from afar....like weekly telephone calls and handwritten letters, packages in the mail....that sort of thing.  So living close to my husbands family has been really hard for me.  Don't get me wrong...I probably have the best in-laws in the world and they are great.

When my daughter was first born, we had streams of people coming to meet our little one.  Of course we had our regulars, my in-laws being one.  I'm a stay-at-home Mom, so you would think everyone would be welcome company, but boy are you wrong.  I wanted it to be just me, my husband, and our daughter.  I wanted space to get to know her and enjoy her.  But they kept coming.  I tried to be a gracious host...letting them come whenever they pleased...but it was killing me.  I had just had a baby!  I wanted some rest and I wanted some space.
I was talking to my Mom one afternoon about my dilemma, complaining about the trivial things as usual.  I was so tired of people coming over.  I was trying to be kind but I was done.  My Mom gave a story and advice which I have been trying to apply ever since.  She related this to when she lived a block away from my Grandma (her mother-in-law).  My Grandma would come up every evening after she got home from work to see us kids and because we had air conditioning and her house didn't.  She also spent the weekends with us due to the previous reasons.  This killed my Mom because she wanted space.  So she tried something new.  Whenever my Grandma would come over, she would ask her to watch us so that my Mom could run to the store in peace or go visiting teaching or do something small for herself.  She spun it around so that everyone could be happy--including her.
So I tried it.  I tried to let them come over and hold her while I cleaned the house.  And it didn't work.  They wanted me to sit and talk to them the whole time.  So I tried again and again and again.  And it still didn't work.  Why was this happening?  I was trying to be a team player but it wasn't working.  What was wrong with me?
Well I don't know if my husband talked to them or they realized that I needed some space but eventually they stopped coming over and I got the space I so desperately needed.  And then it happened: I was able to make a compromise that worked for me.  We ended up going over to their house at least once a week for dinner.  I got free food...they got to hold their new grandchild...I think both parties won...

It's eventually gotten better and I'll let you know how everything turns out.  We are moving in with them in a few weeks to save some money.  I'll definitely have to work on the spinning...

Thank You

A little while ago I was having some personal struggles.  I was filled with disappointment, regret, and sorrow and felt I had no way to climb out of the whole I had dug myself into.  My Mom stepped in and sent a ticket for my daughter and I to fly out to California to visit, hopefully get me out of this funk.  While I was able to be distracted from my issues while I was there, as soon as I stepped off the plane home, everything came flooding back.  I was, once again, depressed with my situation.

After being back home for about a week, I suddenly had inspiration.  I needed to write a thank you note.  And that is exactly what I did.  Except I didn't write just one, I wrote six.  Every thank you note had a little pick-me-up inside of them.  Sorry friends, I did not send cash or check, simply because I didn't have the money.  But what I wrote was what they meant to me, how they were an example to me, a thank you for taking care of me and my daughter, I told them how amazing they were and what their strengths were.  I tried to lift them up and by doing so, I lifted myself.

In the past, I have only written thank you notes because my Mom made me.  Unfortunately, the habit didn't stick and I didn't even send thank you notes out for my wedding.  While I do regret that, I have started writing them again.  I sent thank you notes for my baby shower and some that received one told me how thankful they were that they got mail that wasn't a bill.  But these thank you notes were different.  Of course I needed to thank my parents for the plane ticket and the food and diapers.  And my grandparents needed a thank you because I stayed with them for a little as well.  My siblings babysat my daughter almost the whole time I was there.  But these were still different.  Telling them how amazing they were felt really good to me.  I wrote them a thank you, not just to thank them but to lift them up.  To give them a boost of confidence that they might need.  I wrote to them to let them know that I love and care about them and that they mean the world to me.  And in doing this, I felt better.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "By serving others, you are serving yourself?"  Of course you have, it's a fairly common one.  While I couldn't go do their dishes or take out their garbage because I was 500 miles away, I was able to serve them by telling them how much I love them.  And I may be selfish for being grateful that I felt better afterwards, but I filled a void that was inside of me.  The light started to shine through to me and I felt that everything was going to be okay.  And that is what service can do.

Take a little time today serve someone else.  Write a thank you note or just stop by someone's house.  If you need a postage stamp, I'll give you one but do something for someone else today.  You'll feel better, even if you're already happy.

Love Always,

Ashlynn

Drama and Disappointment

When I was a little girl, I tried to do exactly what my Mom told me.  I wanted to be just like her so I practiced the piano really hard, I tried dressing fancy, and I ate everything she ate.  I was just like Mom!  I thought my Mom would be disappointed if I didn't live up to her expectations.

When I was 17 years old, I left for college.  My goal was to find a guy, get married, and have kids.  Well, 2 years went by and I graduated with honors from LDS Business College with a degree in Business and Accounting.  I figured my Mom would be proud of my accomplishment and she was.  Then I made a goal to attend Brigham Young University.  I was accepted and again, I thought my Mom couldn't have been more proud.  And she was ecstatic.

Shortly after I made plans to move to Provo and continue my education, I met a wonderful man and fell madly in love.  Before I knew it, I was engaged to the greatest guy I had ever met and had plans to be married that December.  I thought my Mom would be thrilled (here is where I went wrong).  Instead of her jumping up and down with joy and excitement, I was hit with question after question, and insult after insult about how I was making the biggest mistake of my life.  But I didn't care.  I felt that this was the path I was supposed to take.

Well I still picked up and moved to Provo to go to school and I tried my very hardest to do well.  However, I wasn't feeling that that was where I should be anymore.  Instead of enjoying learning as I had in the past, I was drowning in school work and miserable.  About a month into the semester, we had General Conference and during one of the talks, I felt impressed to put school on hold for a short time and pay off my student debt.  This prompting came out of nowhere.  I loved school!  And I didn't want to disappoint anyone.  I needed my Bachelor's Degree.  I was supposed to be the golden child, who did everything she was told.  

About a month went by and I still felt that I shouldn't enroll in school the following semester.  I even registered for classes just in case and nearly threw up all over the place as I did so.  I didn't want to give up school, I loved learning, but it just wasn't what Heavenly Father wanted me to do at that point in my life.  Of course, I avoided telling my Mom this because I couldn't disappoint her again.  But one day she started talking about my educational goals and I just couldn't take it anymore.  I tried to explain to her my decision in the best way possible.  I told her my reasoning, and explained that my education would be put on hold temporarily.  But again, I failed her, and I knew I really disappointed her this time.  Instead of trying to reason with me or even try to understand exactly why I was making this choice, she persecuted every decision I (and my fiance) had made since getting engaged.  She was hurt, and she didn't make the effort to understand my predicament.

I was torn between what I wanted and what the Lord wanted, and she could only see that I wasn't doing what she wanted.  She was so hurt and disappointed in me, that she couldn't even tell me she loved me at the end of the conversation.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to upset my Mom but I didn't want to upset the Lord even more.  As soon as I got off the phone, tears streamed down my face for what felt like hours.  I didn't know who to call, but I knew I didn't want to deal with it alone.

I finally texted my soon-to-be sister-in-law and asked her what I should do.  She gave me some great advice.  She told me that I just needed to remember to be myself and do what I feel is best for me.  Her advice couldn't have been more perfect.  I had been so focused on what others thought of my decisions, that I couldn't bear to think about what I wanted, and more importantly, focus on what the Lord wanted.

Sometimes we focus too much on what others think and want for our lives and forget about what the Lord wants.  Instead of focusing on others plans for us, we should turn to the Lords plan.  Trust me, His plan is probably in our best interest.