Parenting - We Can Do It!

Care for Self, Understand, Guide, Nurture, Motivate, Develop, and Advocate are the seven categories that the National Extension Parent Education Model focuses on.  While these are all great things we need to implement, a few of them touched my heart and stood out on needing to be put in to place immediately.

Care for Self

As a parent, we often put our children and their well-being first.  In case of a fire, we do not think about getting ourselves out, we think are my kids okay?  In the story of goldilocks and the three bears, papa bears porridge is hot, he was served first.  Baby bears was just right, it was served perfectly.  Mama bears was cold most likely because she had to serve everyone else first and then got food for herself.  Have we ever thought about how Mama bear
put everyone’s needs in front of her own?  This is the case for most parents.  If we look at the parenting pyramid, it goes the opposite way of what we would think.  We think that the biggest portion is caring for the needs of our children, however, the biggest portion is personal way of being or taking care of our needs.   We cannot care for others if we ourselves are not strong.  Taking care of ourselves, whether it is eating healthier, going to the gym, a therapeutic lunch with friends, or just a 20 minute nap can help us be better parents because we will have a better attitude towards ourselves.  We will feel stronger and healthier if we take the time to give our bodies and souls what they need.

Understand

Our children have all different types of wants and needs.  On a typical day, we run around crazy busy trying to accomplish our various tasks.  Sometimes our kids are good—and sometimes they are not so good.  Temper tantrums in the store are embarrassing and we have all witnessed one, whether with our own kids or someone else’s.  Our first instinct is to quite the child and make a quick exit if that does not work.  We do not take the time to understand why they are upset.  Whether it is nap time, they are hungry, or they want a specific thing off the shelf, are we really taking the time to listen and understand what the real problem is?  Understanding our children can be key to a better relationship with them.  With my daughter, I find that if I take a moment to really listen, she will tell me what is wrong and how I can fix it but I have to sit down and try to understand instead of just yell at her.  Slowing down and taking the time to understand our children will open the doors of communication and strengthen our relationship with them.

Guide

While trying to guide our children, we should give them a variety of ways to learn.  One of those should be through experiences.  We have teaching moments everyday but are we taking them?  Are we really paying attention to how we can guide our children to make better choices?  When our children make poor decisions are we chastising them and being critical?  We need to ensure that our children are protective of feelings and are not critical of behaviors.  We do not put blame on them and most certainly do not make them feel bad about their decisions.  We also need to set limits and enforce them.  If we make a rule or expectation we need to make sure that both parents are supportive of it and will keep hold of it.  It is best to have as few of rules possible to ensure that the kids know what is important.  We should not discipline our children when we are angry and we should never use physical punishment.  According to the American Academy of Children and Adolescent Psychiatry, physical punishment is linked to poor self-esteem, bullying, depression and many behavioral problems.  (More information on physical punishment can be found here, https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Physical-Punishment-105.aspx ) Instead, we should use the following steps in punishing our children:

1. identify what they did wrong
2. state the impact of their behavior
3. suggest an alternative
4. give a clear punishment
5. set an expectation

By doing this, we can help our children understand what they did, how it impacts others, what they should do next time and that you know they can do better.  Guiding our children is not easy but we can help them if we keep it clear and simple.

Care for Self, Understand, Guide, Nurture, Motivate, Develop, and Advocate are important parts of the parenting model.  While we should work on implementing them one at a time, we need to prioritize what will best help our families and our children.