Spin It Your Way

I like to keep to myself.  Let's just get that straight right out of the gate.  I like my space and I like my privacy.  I like to spend time with my friends and I like to spend time with my family....but not 24/7.  I was raised to be independent so I don't even spend time with my family except for a few times out the year.  I prefer to love from afar....like weekly telephone calls and handwritten letters, packages in the mail....that sort of thing.  So living close to my husbands family has been really hard for me.  Don't get me wrong...I probably have the best in-laws in the world and they are great.

When my daughter was first born, we had streams of people coming to meet our little one.  Of course we had our regulars, my in-laws being one.  I'm a stay-at-home Mom, so you would think everyone would be welcome company, but boy are you wrong.  I wanted it to be just me, my husband, and our daughter.  I wanted space to get to know her and enjoy her.  But they kept coming.  I tried to be a gracious host...letting them come whenever they pleased...but it was killing me.  I had just had a baby!  I wanted some rest and I wanted some space.
I was talking to my Mom one afternoon about my dilemma, complaining about the trivial things as usual.  I was so tired of people coming over.  I was trying to be kind but I was done.  My Mom gave a story and advice which I have been trying to apply ever since.  She related this to when she lived a block away from my Grandma (her mother-in-law).  My Grandma would come up every evening after she got home from work to see us kids and because we had air conditioning and her house didn't.  She also spent the weekends with us due to the previous reasons.  This killed my Mom because she wanted space.  So she tried something new.  Whenever my Grandma would come over, she would ask her to watch us so that my Mom could run to the store in peace or go visiting teaching or do something small for herself.  She spun it around so that everyone could be happy--including her.
So I tried it.  I tried to let them come over and hold her while I cleaned the house.  And it didn't work.  They wanted me to sit and talk to them the whole time.  So I tried again and again and again.  And it still didn't work.  Why was this happening?  I was trying to be a team player but it wasn't working.  What was wrong with me?
Well I don't know if my husband talked to them or they realized that I needed some space but eventually they stopped coming over and I got the space I so desperately needed.  And then it happened: I was able to make a compromise that worked for me.  We ended up going over to their house at least once a week for dinner.  I got free food...they got to hold their new grandchild...I think both parties won...

It's eventually gotten better and I'll let you know how everything turns out.  We are moving in with them in a few weeks to save some money.  I'll definitely have to work on the spinning...